The Wedding Book

A collection of Sayings, Readings and Elements of the Wedding Ceremony

Printed March 8, 2001

I appreciate all the Clergy friends and Wedding couples who have contributed to this collection. Rev. Walter E. Johnson



Contents:

1. The Greeting and Call to Celebration P.1

2. Challenges and Promises P.2

3. Questions of Intentions P.4

4. Opportunities for Family & Friends P.5

5. Wedding Vows P.6

6. The Exchange of Rings P.8

7. The Pronouncement P.9

8. Prayers P.11

9. The Blessing or Benediction P.12

10. Optional Readings P.13

1. THE GREETING and CALL TO CELEBRATION

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G0. Dearly beloved, we are assembled here in the presence of God, to join this Man, GROOM, and this Woman, BRIDE, in holy marriage; which is instituted of God, regulated by His commandments, blessed by our Lord Jesus Christ, and to be held in honor among all people. Let us therefore reverently remember that God has established and sanctified marriage, for the welfare and happiness of mankind. Our Savior has declared that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. By His apostles, He has instructed those who enter into this relation to cherish a mutual esteem and love; to bear with each other's infirmities and weaknesses; to comfort each other in sickness, trouble, and sorrow; in honesty and industry to provide for each other, and for their household, in material things; to pray for and encourage each other in the things which pertain to God; and to live together as the heirs of the grace of life. Presbyterian Book of Common Worship



G1. Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the presence of these witnesses, to join together GROOM and BRIDE in holy matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God, and signifying unto us the mystical union which exists between Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence in Cana of Galilee. It is therefore not to be entered into unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly, and standing in awe in the presence of God. Into this holy estate GROOM and BRIDE come now to be joined.



G2. Marriage is a time for both the traditional and the original. This is an occasion to step into the history of humanity, and to venture into newness of life. Marriage is a continuing event between persons. The commitment and the acts of marriage are a continuing process of growth and understanding. This celebration includes what is important within the community, and what is true throughout life. Life and love are original with every person. We are born into these two words: life and love. They are the root of every promise of God. Marriage is a continuing event in love and life.



G3. We are gathered here in the sight of God to witness the joining of this couple in holy matrimony. This is the form of marriage: man and woman reenacting the ritual of acceptance in the company of friends. In all the range of human choice there is no more positive affirmation - but before the misunderstood forces of life even in our very natures, we must humble ourselves; for at the sacred passages of life human beings reach for the good and the infinite but find them locked in the uncertainties of the future. But it is in this sense that marriage affirms, for it is ultimately a celebration of hope. It recognizes the essential isolation in being but trusts in the beauty and significance of being together. BRIDE and GROOM feel honored that you have accepted their invitation to share in this, one of the happiest and holiest moments of their lives. Those of you who are married are invited to renew your vows as BRIDE and GROOM take theirs.



G4. Dear friends and loved ones of BRIDE and GROOM, throughout religious history, people have felt a need to celebrate the great moments of life. At those times we call upon those dear to us to help commemorate the high moment. But even more so, we feel the need to hold these experiences up before God. Thus, in this place, before all of you, and in the presence of God, BRIDE and GROOM come to receive the blessing of marriage.



G5. Friends, we have gathered here in the presence of God and this company of friends to witness the joining of this couple in holy matrimony. BRIDE and GROOM feel honored that you have accepted their invitation to share in this, one of the happiest and holiest moments of their lives. Marriage is ordained by God, and God is to be glorified in all that we do here today. Let there be joy and thanksgiving for the blessings which the Lord of the Church has bestowed upon all people. And let us pray that the covenant which God has established in the Church will seal the covenant now made between BRIDE and GROOM.



G6. If we knew how to look at life through God's eyes, we would see it as innumerable tokens of the love of the Creator seeking the love of God's Creation. God has put us into the world, not to walk through it with lowered eyes, but to search for God through events, people, and other everyday miracles. Let this service be a celebration of our faith. Let us be open to the presence of God. We gather to give praise to God and to celebrate the wedding of BRIDE and GROOM. A wedding is not an event, but a process. The wedding together of two persons begins with their first commitment of love to one another. That process is not ended even by death itself. We who are family and friends gather to serve as witnesses to the wedding process. Today we celebrate their being wedded; we offer our own thanksgiving and bless their love by our being here.



G7. Dear friends, marriage, and the union it symbolizes, can be the most sublime of human experiences; for in any final accounting, love, in its infinite manifestations, is what life is all about. Today, we come joyfully to acknowledge the decisions of BRIDE and GROOM to share their lives. This sharing is not at the expense of each partner's individuality. Rather, the uniqueness of each person is enhanced by the strength of the common bond. Marriage represents a mutual agreement in which each is the guardian of the other's solitude. To affirm the distance between each other is to affirm the dignity of friendship in which each helps the other continually to grow, to be different, to be alone at regular intervals. Let us therefore remember that marriage has been established and sanctified for the welfare and happiness of humankind. Those who enter into this relationship are to cherish a mutual esteem and love; to bear with each other's infirmities and weaknesses; to comfort each other in sickness, trouble and sorrow; in honesty and industry to provide for each other and for their household in temporal things; to encourage each other in the things which pertain to the spirit; and to live together as heirs of the grace of life.



G8. It is my pleasure to welcome you all here to this very happy occasion. This moment of the celebration of BRIDE and GROOM's wedding is their moment, but they are very happy that each of you is here to share it with them. BRIDE and GROOM, today you are surrounded by your friends and family, all of whom are gathered to witness your marriage and to share in the joy of this occasion. Life is composed of many meaningful events, one of which is marriage. On this day, the day of your wedding, you stand somewhat apart from all others. You stand within the circle of your own love.



G9. Dear friends, we are gathered here as a wedding congregation in the presence of God and with official witnesses for the purpose of uniting GROOM and BRIDE in marriage. Together, let us affirm that marriage is an estate with almost limitless possibilities for good. We conceive of it as part of the plan of a gracious God by which we may know the joy of loving and being loved, of understanding and being understood, of affirming and of being affirmed. A good marriage can provide a foretaste of heaven. Therefore, marriage ought never be entered into lightly or half-heartedly, but rather with the exercise of mature judgment and with a thorough-going commitment on the part of both bride and groom.



2. CHALLENGES and PROMISES for the BRIDE and GROOM

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C1. I require and charge you both, as you stand in the presence of God, before whom the secrets of all hearts are disclosed, that, having duly considered the holy covenant you are about to make, you do now declare before this company your pledge of faith, each to the other. Be well assured that if these solemn vows are kept inviolate, as God's word demands, God will bless your marriage, and grant you fulfillment in it, and will establish your home in peace.



C2. Marriage is the intimate sharing of two lives. The ideal marriage relationship is one which is continually growing, and in which each person is individually developing and maturing, while growing in understanding and love for the other. Sharing such understanding and acceptance adds a fuller dimension to the joy we experience while making it easier to live with the disappointments life includes. To be known in this way is a priceless gift.



C3. I require and charge you both, as you stand in the presence of God, that having considered the holy covenant you are about to make, you now declare before this community your pledge of commitment to one another. Be assured that if this commitment is kept ever before you in love, you will experience life's deep meaning in relationship, and your home will provide fulfillment for both of you.



C4. I charge you, GROOM, and you, BRIDE, with the responsibility to keep alive; to grow, to change, to maintain the capacity for wonder, for spontaneity, for humor; to remain flexible, warm, and sensitive. Give fully to each other; show your real feelings to one another; save time for each other, no matter what demands are made upon your day. I charge you to nurture each other to fullness and wholeness, realizing that each of you will need at times to bring strength and support and worth to the other. I charge you, as you grow to love each other more deeply, to discover out of this love a love for all of creation, in which the mystery of your love has happened.



C5. What marriage is all about is what life is all about: growth, in qualitative and ethical terms. The relationship between two people must keep growing, changing, forming a constant adventure and development which will not be without conflict. If differences are openly faced, the possibility of learning how to convert problems into opportunities will not be lost, and the marriage will prosper.



C6. What you seek to do now is an act of faith. You dare to commit yourselves publicly and privately to each other, knowing there is both great risk and great possibility in intimacy. As humans you know that you are imperfect and incomplete. You know that you are and will be required to seek forgiveness and to forgive as you attempt to grow together. It is difficult to be an independent individual and still live and share responsibly, sensitively, and interdependently with someone else. Still, with grace to accept yourselves, with love to embrace one another, you stand before us today to declare that your relationship offers you the gift of making you more together than what you are alone.



C7. GROOM and BRIDE, I require and charge you both, as you stand here before God and your friends, to remember that love and loyalty are the only foundations for a happy and enduring home. If the vows which you are about to share should stay part of your daily lives, then the home you've established will abide in peace, and God's blessing will rest upon you. For no other vows are more sacred and no other human ties are more tender than those you now assume.



C8. BRIDE and GROOM, it is through marriage that your individual lives will be intertwined to form one. You will share together happiness and success as well as sorrow and failure. But this relationship is one which will grow continually as each of you develops individually and grows in understanding and love for one another. But again, while marriage is the intimate sharing of two lives, it can also enhance the differences and individuality of each person. We must give ourselves in love, but we must not give ourselves away. It is out of separateness and union that love is continually born and reborn. We are here today to celebrate the love you have for each other, and to give recognition to your decision to accept one another totally into the state of marriage.



C9. BRIDE and GROOM, before you assume the vows of marriage, may I remind you of both the seriousness and sacredness of the marriage covenant. It is serious because it represents a commitment of love which leaves one open to hurt if love's trust is betrayed. And it is sacred because it represents your official pledged word to God. If you always keep the promises you are making today, and if you seek constantly to live in accordance with the will of God, then, I believe you make look forward to lives marked by love, joy, peace, patience, and all the fruits of the Holy Spirit.



C10. GROOM and BRIDE, today you are surrounded by your friends and family, all of whom are gathered to witness your marriage and to share in the joy of this occasion. Life has no singular meaning so much as it is composed of very meaningful events. One of these events is marriage.

As you know, no minister, no public official, can marry you. Only you can marry yourselves. By your mutual commitment to love one another, to work toward creating an atmosphere of caring, consideration and respect, by a willingness to face the tensions and anxieties that underlie human life, you can make your married life come alive.



C11. BRIDE and GROOM, on this day of your marriage, you stand somewhat apart from all other human beings. You stand within the circle of your love. But love is not meant to be the possession of two people alone. Rather, it should serve as a source of common energy, in which you find strength to live your lives with courage. From this day forward, you will become closer together than ever before. As you join in marriage, a vast, unknown future stretches out before you. The possibilities and potentials of your married life are great. Now, the task is yours to choose values and make decisions that will bring your dreams to life.

You stand before us today as two mature and thoughtful people who wish to express their feelings within the framework of a meaningful relationship. For your courage and self-reliance, you deserve respect. We who have gathered here with you are delighted to share the joy of this occasion and proud to be counted among those whom you love and who love you.



C12 On this day of your marriage you are standing within the circle of your own love. From this day forward you will come closer together than ever before. You are creating a trust and common bond that will hold a sacred place in you heart. Every day of you marriage you will learn more about yourself and more from each other. You stand before me today as two thoughtful people to express your love within the framework of a meaningful life.



C13 Love is one of the highest experiences that we humans can have, and it can add depth and meaning to our lives. The sensual part of love is one of life's greatest joys, day-today companionship - the pleasure in doing thing together, or in doing separate things, but in delighting in the exchange of experiences - is a continuous and central part of what a man and woman who love each other can share.



C14 Marriage symbolizes the intimate sharing of two lives, yet this sharing must not diminish, but enhance the individuality of each partner. A marriage that lasts is one which is continually developing and in which each person is individually developing, while growing in understanding of the other. Deep knowledge of another is not something that can be achieved in a short time, and real understanding of the other' feelings can develop fully only with years of intimacy. This wonderful knowledge of another person grows out of really caring for the other so much that one wants to understand as completely as possible what the other is feeling. Thus; it is possible to share not only joys and successes, but also the burden of sorrows and failures. To be known in this way is a priceless thing because such understanding and acceptance make it easier to live with our problems, failings and worries. But again, while marriage is the intimate sharing of two lives, it can yet enhance the differences and individuality of each partner. A good and balance relationship is one in which neither person is overpowered or absorbed by the other. We must give ourselves in love, but we must not give ourselves away.



C15 We wish that at the end of your lives you will be able to say these two things to each other: Because you have loved me, and have given me faith in myself, and because I have seen the good in you, I have grown to be a better person.



3. THE QUESTIONS of INTENTION

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Q1. GROOM, will you have BRIDE to be your wife, to live together in the holy estate of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other keep only unto her so long as you both shall live? If so, please answer "I will."



BRIDE, will you have GROOM to be your husband, to live together in the holy estate of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other keep only unto him so long as you both shall live? If so, please answer "I will."





Q2. GROOM, will you accept BRIDE as your wife and commit your life to hers? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in good times and bad, and seal this promise with your faithfulness? If so, please answer, "I will."



BRIDE, will you accept GROOM as your husband and commit your life to his? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in good times and bad, and seal this promise with your faithfulness? If so, please answer, "I will."



Q3. GROOM, will you promise to take BRIDE as your wife, to live together with her before the Lord of history and God's creation? Will you love her, trust yourself to her, both in weakness and in strength, and receive her trust in you? Will you seek her growth toward freedom and maturity and in your life together say yes to the world? If so, please answer, "I will."



BRIDE, will you promise to take GROOM as your husband, to live together with him before the Lord of history and God's creation? Will you love him, trust yourself to him, both in weakness and in strength, and receive his trust in you? Will you seek his growth toward freedom and maturity and in your life together say yes to the world? If so, please answer, "I will."



Q4. Do you, GROOM, promise BRIDE that from this day onward she will be your wife, and that you will stand with her in sickness and sorrow as well as health and joy, and do you pledge to her your respect and your love? If so, please answer, "I do."



Do you, BRIDE, promise GROOM that from this day onward he will be your husband, and that you will stand with him in sickness and sorrow as well as health and joy, and do you pledge to him your respect and your love? If so, please answer, "I do."



Q5. GROOM, do you promise, with God's help, to be BRIDE's faithful husband; to love her as God commands? Do you choose her above all others to share your life with? If so, please answer, "I do."



BRIDE, do you promise, with God's help, to be GROOM's faithful wife; to love him as God commands? Do you choose him above all others to share your life with? If so, please answer, "I do."



Q6. GROOM, will you have BRIDE to be your wife? Will you live and work with her in building a Christian home? Will you share with her your joys and sorrows, your needs and dreams? Will you offer her the freedom and support she needs to fulfill her own life? If so, please answer, "I will."



BRIDE, will you have GROOM to be your husband? Will you live and work with him in building a Christian home? Will you share with him your joys and sorrows, your needs and dreams? Will you offer him the freedom and support he needs to fulfill his own life? If so, please answer, "I will."



Q7. GROOM, do you promise to share your life and love with BRIDE, and to give her encouragement in her efforts to achieve her life's goals and aspirations? If so, please answer, "I do."



BRIDE, do you promise to share your life and love with GROOM, and to give him encouragement in his efforts to achieve his life's goals and aspirations? If so, please answer, "I do."



Q8. GROOM, do you now feel ready to take BRIDE as your wife? Before God and this wedding congregation, do you now solemnly promise to love her, comfort her, respect and care for her, both when life seems easy and when it seems hard, and remain faithful to her as long as you live? If so, please answer, "I do."



BRIDE, do you now feel ready to take GROOM as your husband? Before God and this wedding congregation, do you now solemnly promise to love him, comfort him, respect and care for him, both when life seems easy and when it seems hard, and remain faithful to him as long as you live? If so, please answer, "I do."



Q9. GROOM, do you intend to share with BRIDE your joys and your sorrows and all that the years will bring, and by your promise of faithfulness, join yourself to her as her husband? If so, please answer, "I do."



BRIDE, do you intend to share with GROOM your joys and your sorrows and all that the years will bring, and by your promise of faithfulness, join yourself to him as his wife? If so, please answer, "I do."



Q10. GROOM, do you find within you a special love for BRIDE that awakens a desire in you to spend the rest of your lives together? Do you find within you the courage to resist the many deaths by which love can die? Do you find yourself willing to love BRIDE into her unique fullness and to take the risk and accept the vulnerability of love again and again and again? If so, please answer, "I do."



BRIDE, do you find within you a special love for GROOM that convinces you that you want to spend the rest of your lives together? Do you find within you the courage to resist the many deaths by which love can die? Do you find yourself willing to love GROOM into his unique fullness and to take the risk and accept the vulnerability of love again and again and again? If so, please answer, "I do."





4. OPPORTUNITIES for FAMILY and FRIENDS to STATE THEIR SUPPORT


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F1. (To BRIDE's Father or Parents) Who gives this woman to be married to this man?

or

Who presents BRIDE to be married to GROOM?*

(BRIDE's Father responds "I do," or "Her mother and I do." or BRIDE's parents respond together, "We do.")

* Optional: Who presents GROOM to be married to BRIDE?



F2. (To GROOM's family) NAME and NAME: Do you rejoice in GROOM's decision to marry, and will you welcome BRIDE into your family? If so, please answer, "We will."



(To BRIDE's family) NAME and NAME: Do you rejoice in BRIDE's decision to marry, and will you welcome GROOM into your family? If so, please answer, "We will."

or

(To BRIDE and GROOM's families) Will you affirm BRIDE and GROOM's decision to marry, and welcome the family they begin this day into your families? If so, please answer, "We will."



F3. (To the parents) NAMES, will you give your blessing to GROOM and BRIDE in their new relationship? Will you support them with the freedom and love which they need? Will you share your wisdom and experience with them, and seek to learn from them as well? If so, please answer, "We will."



F4. (To the congregation) Will you pledge your support to GROOM and BRIDE in their new relationship? Will you share with them the fellowship and joy of their new home? Will you be with them in time of need when they seek your help? If so, please answer, "We will."



F5. (To his Children) Do you rejoice in your father's decision to marry BRIDE? If so, please answer, "I do."

(To her Children) Do you rejoice in your mother's decision to marry GROOM? If so, please answer, "I do."

Are you ready to take your place in the new family we are beginning here today? If so, please answer "I am."



F6. GROOM and BRIDE, you are now husband and wife. You have a unique responsibility toward one another, and you have, in the pledging of your wedding vows, accepted that responsibility.

Now, by your marriage you also have a unique relationship to CHILDREN. Do you pledge to them your love as mother and father, and promise to strive to understand their needs and desires in years to come? If so, please answer, "We do."



(To the Children) You have witnessed the marriage of your parents. Do you now give them your blessing for their life together? If so, please answer, "We do."



Will you pledge to them and to each other your love and promise to strive to be considerate of one another? If so, please answer, "We will."



GROOM, BRIDE, CHILDREN join hands in a circle and repeat after The Minister: "We are a family. We love one another. Our lives are bound together. We promise to always be considerate, kind, and understanding toward one another. If one of us is hurt, we all hurt. If one of us succeeds, we all rejoice. We are individuals and we will grow separately. But we will never grow apart."



F7. PARENTS STAND - RECOGNIZE BY NAME "Out of your love you have given the wondrous gift of life to these young people. Over the years you have given the gift of your nurturing love which caused them to grow in strength and character. And now, at this special time, do you extend the gift of your supportive love. If so, please answer, "we do"". WEJ4. THE MARRIAGE VOWS



F8. PARENTS STAND AND GROOM OR BRIDE SPEAKS TO THEM: "Our union brings together two family traditions, two systems of roots, in the hope that a new family tree may become strong and fruitful. Ours is a personal choice and a decision for which we are primarily responsible. Yet our lives will be enriched by the support of the families from which we come.

Will you, our parents, encourage us in our marriage? (We will.)

Will you celebrate with us the decision we have made to choose each other? (We will.)

Will you continue to stand beside us, yet not between? (We will)

Thanks to the Pauling family.

5. THE WEDDING VOWS

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V1. I GROOM, take you BRIDE, to be my wife; to have and to hold from this day forward. For better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish, so long as we both shall live.



I BRIDE, take you, GROOM, to be my husband; to have and to hold from this day forward. For better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish, so long as we both shall live.



V2. I, GROOM, promise to be faithful to you, BRIDE, as long as we live.



I, BRIDE, promise to be faithful to you, GROOM, as long as we live.



V3. Joyfully and with utter seriousness, I, GROOM, make with you, BRIDE, this covenant of marriage, to share with you, the task of freeing ourselves and others, to receive and live, the Word of Life. I promise to love and trust you, to speak the truth to you, and hear it from you, to sustain and nurture you, in faith and tenderness, and with you, to receive every day, as a gift of the Lord, until we are parted by death.



Joyfully and with utter seriousness, I, BRIDE, make with you, GROOM, this covenant of marriage, to share with you, the task of freeing ourselves and others, to receive and live, the Word of Life. I promise to love and trust you, to speak the truth to you, and hear it from you, to sustain and nurture you, in faith and tenderness, and with you, to receive every day, as a gift of the Lord, until we are parted by death.



V4. I take you, BRIDE, as my wife. I love you, and I will share all that is mine with you, now and always.



I take you, GROOM, as my husband. I love you, and I will share all that is mine with you, now and always.



V5. Here, among friends and family, I wish for us both a marriage of love and laughter, of tears and then hope, where I am free to touch you when you are sad, you to hug me when I am happy, where my heart is open to yours and yours to mine, always. I love you for the woman who helps me to grow. I will be faithful to you. I will work with you so that our marriage can grow stronger with the passage of time. In good times and in bad, with guidance from God, I am your partner; I am your husband. (Continued)



Here, among friends and family, I wish for us both a marriage of love and laughter, of tears and then hope, where I am free to touch you when you are sad, you to hug me when I am happy, where my heart is open to yours and yours to mine, always. I love you for the man who helps me to grow. I will be faithful to you. I will work with you so that our marriage can grow stronger with the passage of time. In good times and in bad, with guidance from God, I am your partner; I am your wife.



V6. I commit myself to you, BRIDE, as your husband, and accept you as my wife. I will seek to be nurtured by you, and will ask for support from you. I will endeavor to let the foundations of our life together be honesty, respect, trust, openness, thoughtfulness, and hope. My commitment to you is given with the fullness of my love and the depths of my loyalty to you.



I commit myself to you, GROOM, as your wife, and accept you as my husband. I will seek to be nurtured by you, and will ask for support from you. I will endeavor to let the foundations of our life together be honesty, respect, trust, openness, thoughtfulness, and hope. My commitment to you is given with the fullness of my love and the depths of my loyalty to you.



V7. GROOM and BRIDE, I ask you to make public your intent to have each other in the relationship of marriage; to be truthful and faithful to one another, and to accept the responsibility for married life.



BRIDE, I am your husband. I want to live with you all your life, with the help of God.



GROOM, I am your wife. I want to live with you all your life, with the help of God.



V8. BRIDE, I offer my love; I offer my strength; I offer my support; I offer my loyalty; I offer my faith; I offer my hope, in all the changing circumstances of life, as long as we both shall live.



GROOM, I offer my love; I offer my strength; I offer my support; I offer my loyalty; I offer my faith; I offer my hope, in all the changing circumstances of life, as long as we both shall live.



V9. I come to you because of my love for you.

I will love you; I will take your hand; I will join my life with yours.

I accept you and respect you for the person you are.

I accept your faults as well as the happiness I can share with you.

I accept your family and friends as my own.

I respect your dreams, and your beliefs, and I will always encourage you to be yourself.

I believe that you bring out the best in me, and that I am most comfortable with you.

I want you to be the best person you can be.

I will encourage you to fulfill your potential, to be creative, while trying not to expect too much of you.

I will comfort you, reassure you, and always try to secure your well-being.

As we spend time together, sharing new things, my love for you grows stronger.

I will be honest with you, share with you, show you how to love me better, and help you as we make life's decisions together.



V10. I, GROOM, take you, BRIDE, to be my friend and my companion, in plenty and in want, and because I love you, I take you to be the wife of my days.



I, BRIDE, take you, GROOM, to be my friend and my companion, in plenty and in want, and because I love you, I take you to be the husband of my days.



V11. MY PROMISE OF LOVE TO YOU



GROOM: I promise to give you the best of myself and to ask of you no more than you can give...



BRIDE: I promise to accept you the way you are...

I fell in love with you for the qualities, abilities,and outlook on life that you have.

And, I won't try to reshape you in a different image.



GROOM: I promise to respect you as a person with your own interest, desires, and needs,

and to realize that those are sometimes different -- but no less important -- than my own.



BRIDE: I promise to share with you... my time, my close attention,

and to bring joy and strength and imagination to our relationship.



GROOM: I promise to keep myself open to you...to let you see through the window of my personal world, into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.



BRIDE: I promise to grow along with you...to be willing to face change as we both change in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.



TOGETHER: And finally, I promise to love you in good time and in bad with all I have to give and all I feel inside...

in the only way I know how... completely and forever. Dorothy R.Colgan



V12. THE NEW WEDDING VOWS



GROOM: We are two individuals who enrich our existence by having a single life and a shared life.



BRIDE: We have chosen to marry because we belong not TO each other but WITH each other.



GROOM: We wish the same happiness for each other and will strive to reach harmony, adjusting to the needs of the other while remaining true to ourselves.



BRIDE: When things do not go smoothly we will try to be patient, gentle, understanding, flexible, receptive, open and loving.



GROOM: We will give what is needed -- and more.



BRIDE: We will take what we need -- and no more.

GROOM: We will be faithful because nothing can be stronger or more important than our love.



BRIDE: We will be truthful so we may always trust.



GROOM: We will be respectful, for each of us is a special human being



BRIDE: We have been blessed with much love and the capacity to share it. So we plan to share it with a growing country and growing family.



GROOM: We are friends and shall remain so.



BRIDE: We are partners and shall remain so.



GROOM: Who know what other beautiful facts our relationship will foster? For there awaits us all the joy of growing together in a life shared for years to come.



V13. (GROOM) "I want you, BRIDE, to be my wife, - I offer myself completely to you as your husband.- I promise to stand with you and by you - in all that is to come, - to respect you and to trust you, - and to care for you and comfort you, - through all life's joys and sorrows. - I promise to be faithful to you - and honest with you.



(BRIDE) "I want you, GROOM, to be my husband, - I offer myself completely to you as your wife, - I promise to stand with you and by you - in all that is to come, - to respect you and to trust you, - and to care for you and comfort you, - through all life's joys and sorrows. - I promise to be faithful to you - and honest with you.



V14 Remarriage: (Groom) "Bride, I marry you with my eyes wide open. You have helped me let go of the past and embrace the future. Thank you for making me laugh again. Bless you for taking my hand as I begin anew."



(Bride) "Groom, I marry you with my eyes wide open. You have helped me let go of the past and embrace the future. Thank you for making me laugh again. Bless you for taking my hand as I begin anew."





6. THE EXCHANGE OF RINGS

 

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R1. The wedding ring is the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, signifying to all the uniting of GROOM and BRIDE in holy matrimony, through the Church of Jesus Christ our Lord.

Let us pray: Bless, O Lord, the giving of these rings, that each who gives one and each who wears one may abide forever in your peace and continue in your favor; through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.



GROOM and BRIDE repeat in turn: In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring I thee wed, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.



R2. Wedding rings serve as the symbol of the covenant you have just spoken. They are the outward and visible sign of an inward and invisible love which binds your hearts together. As they are of the finest of earth's materials, so your love is of the richest of spiritual values. As rings are without edge or seam, having no beginning and no end, so they symbolize the perfection of a love that cannot end.



Let us pray: Bless these rings, O God, to be the visible sign of the vows here made, that each who gives a ring and each who wears one may ever be reminded of their promises, evermore living and growing in the spirit of your love. Amen.



BRIDE, receive this ring as a sign that I will be one with you, with the help of God.



GROOM, receive this ring as a sign that I will be one with you, with the help of God.



R3. GROOM repeats after The Minister: BRIDE, as a symbol of our undying love and trust, accept this ring I offer in the name of the Creator, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.



BRIDE repeats after The Minister: GROOM, as a symbol of our undying love and trust, accept this ring I offer in the name of the Creator, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.



The joining of your lives into one common life did not begin and does not end with this service of marriage. It is a continuing process to which you dedicate yourselves publicly today. Each day you must make again the decision to engage in life together. The rings you have exchanged will serve as a reminder, that in the midst of all the possibilities of separation which are open to you, you have decided once again to be faithful to this covenant made before us today. May God help you to that end.



R4. GROOM and BRIDE repeat in turn: In token and in pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring I give myself to you, in the name of the Creator, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.



R5. What symbols do you bring as evidence of the vows you have just spoken?



(BRIDE and GROOM answer) "These rings".



These rings mark the beginning of a life journey together filled with wonder, surprises, laughter, tears, celebration, grief, and joy. May these rings be a sign to you of the continuing love you have pledged to one another today.



(GROOM and BRIDE repeat in turn) "I give you this sign of my love, knowing that love is precious and fragile, yet strong. Whenever I see your ring I will remember all that I have pledged to you here this day."



R6. BEST MAN, as GROOM's close friend, you have known and cared for him in the heights and depths of life. Will you present a symbol of GROOM and BRIDE's commitment?



MAID/MATRON of HONOR, as BRIDE's close friend, you have known and cared for her in the heights and depths of life. Will you present a symbol of BRIDE and GROOM's commitment?



Let these rings serve as signs to those who give them, and those who wear them. These are tangible symbols of a spiritual reality. What cannot be expressed fully in words is known through these symbols.



Let us pray: Bless, O Lord, the giving and receiving of these rings, that they who give and receive them will live forever in your peace and with your blessing. Amen.



GROOM and BRIDE repeat in turn: "I give you this ring as a symbol of my being wedded to you. The goodness of our love is far more precious than any stone. The strength of our commitment shall endure beyond the metal of this ring. I ask that you wear it and always remember the vows we share today."



R7. BRIDE and GROOM wish to exchange these rings as symbols of their vows. This is fitting in many ways, not only because the ring is the ancient symbol of such vows, but for another ancient tradition: The circle was considered to be the perfect form of all forms in nature. The Greeks attributed mystical properties to its design. Yet they also knew that the equation of its dimensions included an irrational number - their perfection included imperfection. So also, the ideal perfection of the marriage symbolized by these rings includes the imperfections of the parties united in it: their unique strengths, hopes, dreams, faults and fears. Yet these are the realities that each of us brings to any relationship, and that truth is to be celebrated.



GROOM and BRIDE repeat in turn: In token and pledge of our abiding love and the vows we share, with this ring, I marry you, and join my life to yours.



R8 The wedding ring is an unbroken circle which symbolizes unending and everlasting love and is a visible symbol which represents your inner commitment to one another. May your life together be blessed with everlasting happiness.



R9 GROOM/BRIDE please place this ring on BRIDE'S/GROOM'S finger. Do you, GROOM/BRIDE promise BRIDE/GROOM , that from this day onward she/he will be your wife/husband and you will stand with her in sickness and health, in joy and sorrow, and do you pledge to her your respect and your love?



R10 Ring Blessing: May you be a blessing and comfort to each other, sharing in each other's joys, consoling in each others sorrows, helping each other in all the conditions of life.



7. THE PRONOUNCEMENT

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P1. Forasmuch as GROOM and BRIDE have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and have pledged their faith each to the other, and have declared the same by joining hands and by giving and receiving rings; I pronounce that they are husband and wife together, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Those whom God has joined together, let no one put asunder. Amen.



P2. In the presence of God and those gathered here, I announce that you are husband and wife, in the name of the Creator, and of the Christ, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.



GROOM, love BRIDE; receive her, protect her, forgive her, live with her, bless her, all the days of her life.



BRIDE, love GROOM; receive him, protect him, forgive him, live with him, bless him, all the days of his life.



P3. Now that we have celebrated the marriage of GROOM and BRIDE, and have witnessed this before God and those of you here; now that GROOM and BRIDE have pledged their faith each to the other, and have declared the same by joining their hands and hearts, and by giving and receiving rings, I pronounce that they are husband and wife together, in the name of the Creator, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. May this beautiful experience continue in joy, and may God's grace, mercy and peace be yours this day, and all your days. Amen.



P4. Since GROOM and BRIDE have offered themselves to one another in marriage, and have witnessed the same before God, family and friends, declaring the same by the joining of hands, exchanging vows and the gift of rings, I pronounce that they are husband and wife, in the name of the Creator, Son and Holy Spirit. "Those whom God has made one, let no person pull apart." Amen.



P5. You have agreed with one another before God and us. In the name of our Eternal and Creating God, I pronounce you husband and wife together. May the Lord keep you constantly in the love which you have professed this day. What God has joined together, do not let people tear apart. Be united in the love of God. Amen.



P6. You have now publicly shared your love for and special commitment to one another. Explore this love well with deep reverence. Explore it with joy and hope and perseverance. I now pronounce you husband and wife, according to the Spirit, and in accord with human law.



P7. Today by your vows and exchange of rings, we experience the love which your family and friends have known for months. We celebrate with words what you have felt... that you are husband and wife. May the Spirit of Love bless your lives together.



P8. BRIDE and GROOM, your marriage represents a place in the circle of your lives. It is a point in the circle, and yet also a new beginning all its own. As you continue together, now in marriage, may your circle of love grow with new experiences, new perspectives, and a greater encompassing understanding of one another.



P9. Since BRIDE and GROOM have formalized in our presence the existence of the bond between them, and have symbolized that bond through the exchange of rings, we have celebrated with them the ceremony that has made them husband and wife.



P10. In that BRIDE and GROOM have entered into the covenant of marriage in accordance with the laws of the state and the practice of the Church, and have spoken their vows in our hearing and have symbolized their commitment by giving and receiving rings, I now declare them officially to be husband and wife. Those whom God has joined together, let no one break apart.



P11. We can derive no moral from love except the moral to love more deeply. We can expect nothing from love except that which love gives. We cannot choose what circumstances may befall us, but we can shape the spirit with which we shall meet them.

Since you, GROOM and BRIDE, have consented to marriage, and have promised yourselves to one another, having given and received rings as signs of your bond, I now pronounce that you are husband and wife.



P12. Since GROOM and BRIDE have agreed to marry, and have made public their commitment to one another in our presence, be it thereby acknowledged that they are husband and wife. May the love they feel for each other and the love they feel for all of you grow stronger and richer, and may their marriage be fruitful.



P13 Now, by the power vested in me, in accordance with the laws of the State of California, but most of all by the power of your love for each other, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.



8. PRAYERS

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Pr0. Almighty and ever-blessed God, whose presence is the happiness of every condition, and whose favor hallows every relation: We beseech Thee to be present and favorable unto these Thy servants, GROOM & BRIDE, that they may be truly joined in the honorable estate of marriage, in the covenant of their God, As Thou hast brought them together by Thy providence, sanctify them by Thy Spirit, giving them a new frame of hear fit for their new estate; and enrich them with all grace, whereby they may enjoy the comforts, undergo the care, endure the trials, and perform the duties of life together as becometh Christian, under Thy heavenly guidance and protection; through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen Presbyterian Book of Common Worship



Pr1. Eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all humankind: today we embrace one of the mysteries of life. A man and a woman come together because they are incomplete without each other. Enable this marriage to be all that is hoped for. May BRIDE and GROOM live such lives of patience and love that their relationship will be a thing of beauty and joy to all who know them. Grant them strength, that they may long minister to one another and to any who in your providence are given into their care. And finally, dear Lord, we ask that you surround them with your love, that their love may be more like yours. In the name of your Son, Amen.



Pr2. Eternal God, creator and preserver of all humankind, giver of all spiritual grace, the author of everlasting life: send your blessing upon BRIDE and GROOM, whom we bless in your name, that they may surely perform and keep the promises and covenant made between them, and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, living according to your laws. Look graciously upon them, that they may love, honor and cherish each other, and so live together in faithfulness, wisdom and patience that their home may be a haven of blessing and a place of peace. Through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.



Pr3. May we pray together, asking God's continued blessings upon BRIDE and GROOM:

Holy Creator of the universe, maker of man and woman in your own likeness, source of blessing for married life, we humbly pray to you for this couple who today are united in marriage.

May your fullest blessing come upon them so that they may together rejoice in your gift of married love.

Lord, my they both praise you when they are happy, and turn to you in their sorrows. May they be glad that you help them in their work and know that you are with them in their need. May they pray to you in the community of the Church, and be your witnesses in the world. May they reach old age in the company of their friends, and come last to the Kingdom of Heaven. We pray in Jesus' name, Amen.



Pr4. O God, our Creator, source of infinite love, bless us with a sense of your indwelling presence as we worship here. Keep us sensitive to the wonder of things which fill our days and give meaning to our lives. Deepen in us the level of our loving, both for those near and dear to us, and for those who, though strangers, need our concern.

Especially do we pray your blessing on BRIDE and GROOM, who come here in this high moment of their lives. Be near to them as they make their promises to each other, that they shall pledge their vows with deepest sincerity, knowing full well the meaning of the words they say.

And do grant us all, we pray, a heightened sense of the joy of life because we share this moment with them, in your loving spirit. Amen.



Pr5. Eternal God: without your grace no promise is sure. Strengthen GROOM and BRIDE with the gift of your Spirit, so that they may fulfill the vows they have taken. Keep them faithful to each other and to you. Fill them with such love and joy that they may build a home where no one is a stranger. And guide them by your word to serve you all the days of their lives; through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom be honor and glory forever. Amen.



Pr6. O God, we pray that GROOM and BRIDE and all we who are gathered here will grow in the understanding and experience of love. As GROOM and BRIDE become bound closer to each other, may they also every be more themselves. To your tender and watchful care we here commit GROOM and BRIDE. In health and sickness, in abundance and want, in life and death, abide with them, that they shall never withdraw from you. Amen.



Pr7. Lord, make GROOM and BRIDE instruments of your peace.

Where there is hate, may they bring love; where offense, may they bring pardon. May they bring union in place of discord; truth replacing error; faith, where once there was doubt, hope for despair; light where there was darkness; joy to replace sadness.

Make them not so crave to be loved as to love. Help them to learn that in giving they receive; in forgetting self, they may find life eternal. Amen.



Pr8. O God, creator of life and giver of all good things, we ask your blessing upon GROOM and BRIDE this day, as we bless them in your name. Help them to live together in love and peace, giving strength and comfort to each other. May their love be a source of goodness to those whose lives they touch; fill them with such love and joy that they may build a home where no one is a stranger. Give them patience, trust, and a sense of the promise that will be fulfilled as they begin a new phase in their loving relationship. Hear our prayers in the name of him who came that we might have life, and know how to love one another, Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.



Pr9. Gracious God, who created the universe and yet cares for us as a loving parent, we rejoice in your love. Grant, we pray, that BRIDE and GROOM may keep their hearts and minds so sensitive to your Spirit that they may be open to receive all the good gifts which flow from your grace. Help them to keep their vows, to grow in love, to be resolute in their efforts to conform their lives to your will. Through all their days, may the honor and cherish each other, and so live together in faithfulness, patience, and understanding that their home may be both a base for effective service and a place of refreshing peace. Amen.



9. THE BLESSING or BENEDICTION

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B1. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit bless, preserve and keep you; the Lord graciously and with favor look upon you, and so fill you with all spiritual benediction and love that you may so live together in this life that in the world to come you may have life everlasting. Amen.



B2. The sun be warm and kind to you.

The darkest night some star shine through.

The dullest morn some radiance brew.

And when dusk comes, God's hand to you. Amen.



B3. Go into the world and fulfill your lives. Hold fast to your ideals. Give one another new experiences of joy. Challenge one another, that you might grow together. May your love, now (sealed) in marriage, mature and enrich the experiences of both of you. May your home be a happy one, and your lives fulfilled. Amen.



B4. GROOM and BRIDE, today is a new beginning in your lives. May God's peace and love go with you as you continue life's journey. Amen.



B5. May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life also grant you patience, tolerance and understanding. May you always need one another, but not out of weakness - not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you entice one another, but not compel one another. May you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and still not fail in the little graces. May you look for things to praise. Often say, "I love you," and take no notice of small faults. If you have quarrels that threaten to push you apart, may each of you have the good sense to take the first step back.

May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another's presence... warm and near when you are side by side; warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even in distant cities. May you have happiness... and may you find it in making one another happy. May you have love... and may you find it in loving one another.



B6. Go placidly amid the noise and the haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly. Listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant, for they, too, have their story. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity, it is as perennial as the grass. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive God to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.





B7. I do not wish you joy without a sorrow

Nor endless day without the healing dark,

Nor brilliant sun without the resful shadow,

Nor tides that never tun against you bark.

I wish you love and strength, and wisdom,

And gold enough to help some needy one,

I wish you songs, but also blessed silence,

And God's sweet peace when every day is done.

-------Unknown

Desiderata

10. OPTIONAL READINGS

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O1. I may be able to speak the languages of men and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains, but if I have no love, I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and even give my body to be burned, but if I have no love, this does me no good.

Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail.

In this life, we have three lasting qualities: faith, hope and love.... but the greatest of these is love.

- I Corinthians 13:1-7, 13



O2. Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Whoever loves is a child of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. And God showed love for us by sending Jesus Christ into the world, so that we might have life through him. This is what love is: it is not that we have loved God, but the God loved us and sent Jesus to be the means by which our sins are forgiven.

Dear friends, if this is how God loved us, then we should love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in union with us, and God's love is made perfect in us.

- I John 4:7-12



O3. My commandment is this: love one another, just as I love you. The greatest love a person can have for his friends is to give his life for them. And you are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because a servant does not know what his master is doing. Instead, I call you friends, because I have told you everything I heard from my Father. You did not choose me; I chose you and appointed you to go and bear much fruit, the kind of fruit that endures. And so the Father will give you whatever you ask of him in my name. This, then, is what I command you: love one another.

- John 15:12-17



O4. Haven't you read the scripture that says that in the beginning the Creator made people male and female? And God said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and two will become one." So they are no longer two, but one. We must not separate, then, what God has joined together.

- Matthew 19:4-6



O5. Ruth said, "Don't ask me to leave you! Let me go with you. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and that is where I will be buried. May the Lord's worst punishment come upon me if I let anything but death separate me from you!"

- Ruth 1:16-17



O6. "Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup, but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together; for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

- From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran





O7. Now you will feel no rain,

for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold,

for each of you will be warmth for the other.

Now there is no more loneliness,

for each of you will be companion for the other.

Now you are two bodies,

but there is only one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling place

to enter into the days of your togetherness.

And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

- From an Apache Wedding Ceremony



O8. Shakespeare Sonnet No. 116



...... Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove;

Oh no! it is an ever fixed mark,

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come;

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

. . . . .



O9. Deep acceptance is reflected in Dinah Craig's poem- The Meaning of Friendship



Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person.

Having neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together- -

Certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, - -

Keeping what is worth keeping, And with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.



O10.

Two Are Better Than One



"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.

For If they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up.

Again, if two lie together, they are warm; but how can one be warm alone?

And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him.

A threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12



O11. O11. UNITY CANDLE: Bride & Groom, as you can see, there are two lit candles on the altar representing your lives at this moment. They are two distinct lights, each capable of going their separate ways. To bring bliss and happiness to your home, there must be a merging of these two lights into one. This is what the Lord meant when He said, "On this account a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall be one flesh."

From now on your thoughts shall be for each other rather than your individual selves. Your plans shall be mutual, your joys and sorrows shall be shared alike.

As you each take a candle together and light the center one, your lives merge symbolically together as one. As this center is lit, may the radiance of this one light be a testimony of your unity in the Lord Jesus Christ.

(Light the Unity Candle) From Bob Chicou